About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
