Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
