I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
