Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
