I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
