Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
