Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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