she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
