Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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