i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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