Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
