this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
