I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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