I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
