I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
