i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
