You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
