I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
