FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
