She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
