Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
