Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let's paint friendship bongs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
