You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
