I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
