my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
