Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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