i always forget guys have bellybuttons
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
