I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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