We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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