Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
