last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
