girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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