She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
