my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
