And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
