Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
