she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
