WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
