I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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