I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
