I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
