You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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