I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
