I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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