After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
