May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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