i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
