I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
