At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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