Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is my gift to your gina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
