I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
