time to smoke my breakfast
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is Oprah even human
How does one acquire holy water?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
