He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she peed on how many people?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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