There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
