can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
